A moment in the sun Journals

It’s been 14 to 20 August 2016. This week I’ve been back at work trying to improve a couple of scenes.

The ending felt like it ran too long. I tried to rewrite it so that Pointy suddenly screams into the remote and it blows the hat up. I liked it initially because Pointy says “Go and get f–” but then the explosion knocks him into a sort of giddy stupor and he says “flowers!” instead and Gronky’s all “awww”. It’s a cute moment but the story is less funny and organic.

The problem did get fixed though. Before this week there have been two “bangs” in that final scene. I’ve cut out everything between them so that you expect one but get the other – now it works a lot better.

My takeaway lesson from this is to pay closer attention to what needs fixing and what works, so as not to break what works!

The other sequence getting reboarded is mid-film – Scene 3! Pointy’s trying to stop the hat from making Gronky’s stupid noises because he just wants some peace and quiet.

In the first draft of the 3Dmatic, Pointy explains aloud why he’s about to do what he’s doing – “I’m going to walk far enough away that I lose radio contact!” – and it leads to a sequence of shots of him losing his cool. A little contrived, the stompy walks are fun to watch though.

The rewrite sees Pointy attempting to smash the speaker in the hat with a rock instead. Much quicker and easier to get across, much more interesting to watch than someone stomping angrily, and now multiple sources of frustration – meaning he can lose his cool even more! 🙂

See you again next week!

By quollism

A creator of quollity stuff.